.
Had enough birthday cake yet Brides Up North? Course you haven’t – and there are still a few more super giveaways in the Great Brides Up North Birthday Bakeaway still to come! Make sure to tune in over the weekend to enter the rest.
.
This morning, we address a more serious topic here on the wedding blog, and one I am sure that a lot of my readers can identify with – how to remember lost loved ones on your wedding day, and how to deal with those metaphorical empty chairs?
.
This is a topic that hits home with me personally, as a week before our wedding we lost a very close family friend after his long battle with illness. He is – and was on the day – very sorely missed, but having been a larger than life, heart of the party, host with the most, fun loving family man, we knew that he would want the show to go on. Tears were shed for him during the ceremony and during my father’s speech, and I felt proud to raise my glass to him in the first toast of the day.
.
As we think about the ones that we will personally miss, I will hand you over to my fabulous guest blogger Alison, who discusses the empty chair at her own wedding.
.
.
.
.
Weddings are emotional enough, before you even start thinking about how to include and remember loved ones who can’t be there for your special day.
.
For me, it was my mum who sadly died back in 2002.
.
.
.
.
As a bride, if there is one person you want there to help you plan, choose and decide. To be by your side while you visit and try on. To huddle with over bridal magazines, and phone up on the spur of the moment to blurt “I’ve just had a brilliant idea, what do you think of ……”
.
To be swept up with the excitement, while keeping your feet on the ground, and then to be there on your big day to reassure you, keep you calm and to wear an enormous hat – then it’s your mum.
.
Had she been alive, we’d have planned the wedding together and she’d have been a huge vibrant presence on the day itself.
.
After she died, I described moving forward like re-arranging the furniture. When a chair is taken away you have to move the furniture to fill the space left in the room. That’s what we had to do at our wedding both metaphorically and literally.
.
I wanted to include and remember her, of course I did, but I didn’t want to upset people or myself. After my recent health scares I was already going to find my wedding day emotionally and physically demanding.
So in addition to a mention in my dad’s speech, I chose a few positive, lovely touches which were a nod to mum. The guests who knew and remembered her recognised them without prompting.
.
A few years before she died, mum gave me and my sister a package each. It was a gift from her wedding to each of us. In the package were two black and white photos from her wedding in 1964 and three squares of fabric. White satin and lace from her wedding dress and blue satin from her older bridesmaids dresses. For my wedding I copied her colour scheme. My little bridesmaids wore ivory with blue accents and my sister wore a long cornflower blue gown – as did hers.
.
My sparkly clutch bag was one that my ever so glamorous mum carried to cocktail parties in the ‘70’s and the beautiful circular diamante broach that held my furry wrap in place was the one mum wore in the late ‘50’s as a newly qualified teacher.
.
Mum loved music and was an amazing pianist, so including her favourites in our ceremony was an easy decision. Our choices included ‘The Entertainer’ by Scott Joplin and ‘Side Saddle’ by Russ Conway. Those two pieces are so evocative of my childhood – lying upstairs in bed while she played her ragtime favourites in the room beneath me. While we signed the register, it was like she was right there with us filling our wedding with her energy and joy.
.
.
.
.
It’s traditional for the groom’s father to walk back down the aisle with the mother of the bride. For us that wasn’t an option, so instead we surrounded him with the little bridesmaids and my ‘best boy’. My mum was a primary school teacher, so having the children represent her felt right.
.
Finally, in addition to our civil ceremony at Chester Zoo in June, we also had a much smaller church blessing a couple of months later in the town in Lincolnshire which mum and dad retired to. My mum is buried in the churchyard, so after the ceremony Tris and I went and put my flowers on her grave. I left her a message:
.
I missed you.
Although I couldn’t see you at our wedding,
I knew you were there.
.
Mum never met Tris, my husband – but she left such an imprint, I knew what she’d have said. “Alison, he’s very dishy – well done!”
.
Including someone special and madly missed in your wedding day can be really hard. I worried about striking the right note – enough, but not over the top, reflective but not over sentimental. Every situation is obviously different – but this is what I did for my mum. I hope if you are in the same situation as me, you find it helpful.
.
How to you plan on remembering lost loved ones at your own wedding? Leave a comment to start the discussion.
.
Alison writes her own personal blog at http://alison-staples.blogspot.com.
.
Alison’s latest posts for Brides Up North:
Up For Discussion- Achieving The Perfect Level Of Wedding Morning Zen
Up For Discussion- The Name Game (and meet Alison!)
.
Would you like to guest blog for Brides Up North? Email julia@bridesupnorth.co.uk
.
Brides Up North UK Wedding Blog – Images © 2011 Alison Staples
This is not a sponsored post
Contact Brides Up North to submit your business as a Featured Supplier
.
.
