May 27th, 2016 | Rachel Parry
Whether you’ve been waiting for what feels like a lifetime for a proposal, or been whisked off your feet in a whirlwind romance, once that engagement ring is firmly on your finger exactly how long should you wait before getting hitched?
There is of course, no wrong or right answer to this, it’s a case of personal preference, but there are various planning elements that a couple should take into account when setting a date.
We see our creative readers planning their dream weddings over the course of a number of years, months and, in some cases, just weeks, and all do a fabulous job. But if you’re not sure how long to wait between saying “I will” and “I do” then today’s Big Debate could help you decide on the ideal time planning scale, as we discuss the possible pros and cons of a short engagement vs a long engagement.
Image by Alyssa Nikole Photography
rachel says: don’t feel the need for speed
I’m certainly not getting any younger and so can’t quite believe that I’m in favour of a longer engagement. However, one of my main reasons for taking such a stance is having seen first-hand the pressure planning a wedding in a matter of months can cause the bride and groom-to-be. Nobody wants a pre-wedding meltdown.
I’m not for one minute suggesting that the engagement be drawn out over the course of five or more, or even three or more years, really (or I might never get my man down the aisle!). But what I am advising is that couples take their time to ensure they are making the right decisions (weddings are a pricey business so nobody wants regrets) and that they also take the time to enjoy the planning process. As I see it the wedding day is just that – a day – so the run up to the event should be made memorable too – enjoy viewing venues, going to open days and tastings, and include your friends and family in the excitement also!
In most cases I’d say spend at least a year planning, though I think for me, 18 months to two years may be closer to the mark (sorry mum). Not only to save up (with a house move next on our agenda), but also to ensure we can secure the venue and suppliers that we want. Talented photographers in particular tend to get booked up a year or more in advance, especially if you are planning to wed on a popular date or in ‘peak season’, but florists, caterers and bands can also have super packed diaries.
The key is to make sure that you don’t go the other way and have an engagement that’s too long or you can run the risk of losing a little momentum on the way and you also face the danger of changing your mind about things as you have too much time to think things over.
So I say once he’s put a ring on it, set a date that’s achievable and that gives you enough time to think about what you want, secure your first choice suppliers and to enjoy the build-up. Just don’t take too long about it so that couples around you start to steal your thunder, or even worse, your ideas!
Image by Chris Rowland Photography
julia says: take your marks, get wed
It took me 18 months from proposal to “I Do” to get down that aisle. Factors such as cost (like, duh!), other close friends’ wedding dates and a general desire to enjoy every moment of the planning process contributed to this decision. However, if I was to do it all over again I’d give myself a year -max – or even go for a shorter still planning process.
Ok, in my line of work it’s easy for me to say, I know. I have bridal contacts coming out of my ears, and would know my go-to professionals to pull off my dream day almost immediately. In fact, I honestly reckon that I could plan a knock your socks off wedding in just a week (sample gowns at the ready of course)! Anyone dare me to try?
However, I know that most people aren’t in the same position and in any case, might like to deliberate and enjoy the bride-to-be spotlight for just a teeny bit longer than that. But come on girls, let’s keep our foot on the ignition.
To me, a shorter engagement is just that bit more lovely. It says whirlwind, romance and “Sod the timescales for a bespoke gown, I just can’t wait to be married to you”! It takes the pressure off decision making (no time to deliberate for months about just the right shade of eau-de-nil), sorts out your true friends from the crowd (they’d be at your hen party at an hour’s notice, let alone a few weeks) and keeps the adrenalin pumping.
It might also save you a little bit of money if you are prepared – or forced – to be flexible and can take advantage of last minute deals. I’ll caveat this by advising that if there’s a very particular something – the venue and frock are usually the biggest deal breakers – or someone – like a band, photographer or officiant – that your wedding day will just be ruined without, book them as early as humanely possible and work the rest of the planning around that decision.
So I say, what’s the delay? You put a ring on it, now just go get hitched already!
Image by India Earl Photography
what you said on social
Diane says: “Having waited eight years for a proposal I didn’t want to waste any time so chose a date that has given us just six months to plan the wedding. It’s been hectic but enjoyable, plus I find I work better under pressure.”
Lisa says: “We had our hearts set on a wedding during August Bank Holiday as it’s the month that we first met and thought we could spread the celebrations over the long weekend. Unfortunately our dream venue didn’t have availability for the date until 2018, which will mean that we will have had a three year engagement. I don’t mind though, gives us plenty of time to get all elements spot on – and some things are worth waiting for!”
Isabelle says: “We got engaged five years ago after having our first child together – we couldn’t afford the wedding that we wanted at that point but wanted to show that we were committed to each other. I’m just in the early stages of planning now and it will be another 18 months until we actually tie the knot but I’ve got lots of inspiration over the past few years and we are now in a position to have the wedding we’ve been dreaming of.”
May 13th, 2016 | Julia Braime
As couples continue to get creative with their big days the options on styling, venue and setting seem almost endless.
So how’s a girl (and guy) to choose? The time of the year will ultimately play a part with couples less keen to take their celebrations outdoors during the colder months. Also, how much effort and spends a couple want to put into the styling will need to be considered – so a lavish five star hotel will generally not need as much décor as say a barn or tipi wedding, though the later allows for far more creativity and freedom.
Then there’s accommodation and catering to think about – would you want to go traditional fine dining or for something a little more alternative, such as a barbecue, afternoon tea or sharing boards?
Keen to offer inspiration for all couples, we here at Brides Up North HQ have recently expanded our luxury wedding exhibition offering to include a number of fabulous outdoor festival themed wedding fairs, in addition to our existing events held in grand and exclusive venues across the north.
With all this in mind, today we’re debating two very different styles of weddings that would tick the boxes for us Brides Up North gals!
rachel says: indoor elegance
I’m continuously super impressed by couples’ ability to think outside the box and do their big day their way with celebrations that are both individual and inventive. That said, I always find myself drawn to the simple and timeless weddings that have more of a traditional vibe.
Maybe I just don’t have the creative vision that others do, or maybe it’s growing up with thoughts of the perfect princess-like wedding in my head?
I’m personally not one for gimmicks, which is why I like the simplicity of a traditional wedding and for such an important occasion I like the safety of the indoors. I’m the type of girl that visits the hairdressers on a clear sky, sunny day and yet always finds myself in a relentless downpour when I leave – for my wedding I just don’t think I could take the risk.
I’d still want to pick a venue with lovely grounds in which elements such as the drinks reception could take place, though the majority of the proceedings would be under cover.
I’m thinking a beautifully decorated period venue with lots of natural light during the day and lit by romantic candlelight at night. I’d love a grand dining room with long tables anchored by stunning floral arrangements down the centre, interspersed with pillar candles and tea lights. And as a foodie, an elegant three-course meal would be right up my street before dancing the night away.
Overall the real beauty of an indoor wedding for me can be the convenience of on-site accommodation, which you don’t usually get when hosting a wedding outdoors. This is not only for the bonus of getting ready at the venue on the morning of the wedding, but also for guests to nip back to and freshen up throughout the day and, of course, for everyone to easily retire (stagger) to at the end of the night. Plus, thankfully it means just a short crawl back to the dining room for breakfast with your nearest and dearest the following day.
julia says: outdoor rustic
I’ve always been an “indoor kinda girl”, generally preferring five star boutique hotels to camping or glamping. So, when it came to my wedding day, I followed suit, and it was indoor luxury all the way.
Although I wouldn’t change anything about my own big day, I’ve recently found my head turned by other types of celebration, and have felt the distinct draw of the great outdoors.
It helps that we’re smack bang in the middle of our series of Brides Up North Festival Wedding Fairs, and that the sun is shining outside as I write this, but as I’ve had the pleasure of working with so many fantastic festival style and outdoor suppliers over the past year in the build up to our huge events that I’ve realised that I might have been too hasty in my judgment.
Firstly, the huge sailcloth and tipi tents available for your outdoor wedding are not akin to the thin, freezing tents that stuck to my face during my Duke Of Edinburgh days (enough to put me off hiking for life!). These are warm and weatherproof structures that are great in all weathers – cool in the summer, warm in the winter – and withstand even the most horrid weather conditions. Fun and fabulous, these tents add a stylish and different edge to your wedding celebration before it even starts.
Secondly, with an outdoor wedding comes loads of extra space for quirky extras like garden games, styling details, Prosecco vans (I’ve just discovered the sheer joy of these!), vintage caravan photo booths and even huge white bouncy castles. What’s not to love?
I may be a little biased at the moment… you might have noticed that we are still on a high from WEDSTOCK’16 last weekend and looking ahead with glee to WEDSTIVAL’16 at Capesthorne Hall next Sunday 22nd May (find out more and register here)… but if you come prepared, to me an outdoor celebration has very little downside, even in a downpour. Embrace the wellies, collect your Prosecco before passing GO! and look forward to some awesome wedding photos afterwards!
what you said on social
Alana says: “I’m currently planning an outdoor wedding and I’m loving making lots of the decoration for the marquee, with the help of friends and family. It means we can have the wedding exactly as we want it and feel the personal, homemade touches will make it all the more memorable.”
Jodie says: “I’m at the beginning of the wedding planning and am totally torn! I’d always thought I would have a church wedding followed by a lovely hotel reception but seeing more outdoor weddings has got me a tipi wedding would be really cool and a little different. Help!”
Emma says: “We are sticking to tradition with an indoor wedding at an historic venue with lots of character. Instead of adding lots of details we will be letting the venue speak for itself and hope to make use of its gorgeous grounds for the drinks reception, though have a Plan B just in case the unpredictable British weather strikes.”
April 29th, 2016 | Rachel Parry
image by Helen Russell Photography
As couples continue to bend the ‘wedding rules’ in order to have a big day that’s done their way, we are seeing more traditions fall by the wayside.
Previously through The Big Debate we’ve discussed whether or not couples should stick with tradition by spending the night before the wedding together or part. It’s a contentious issue as superstition has it that it’s bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the ceremony. But for some couples it’s all about feeling comfortable and at ease, rather than running scared of marriage day myths.
This desire to feel relaxed on the day of the wedding has now also led to some couples opting for what’s known as a ‘first look’ prior to the ceremony. So instead of setting eyes on each other as ‘bride’ and ‘groom’ for the first time at the altar, the couple share a private moment together ahead of taking their vows where they can see and speak to each other, calming any pre-wed nerves. In most cases the couple’s photographer would join them for the first look moment to document the ‘big reveal’ emotions, just as they would usually capture it at the beginning of the ceremony.
So today we discuss if ditching tradition in this case will make that big reveal moment more, or less, special?
Image by JPR Shah Photography
rachel says: save it for the ceremony
During our previous debate on the night before the wedding I said I was willing to risk the bad luck factor of spending the night with my hubby-to-be in order to get a good night’s sleep ahead of the big day. However I stipulated that I’d still want to go our separate ways on the morning of the wedding in order to achieve that highly-anticipated entrance at the ceremony, in front of both the groom and the guests, and I stand by that.
I’m certain I’ll suffer wedding-morning nerves, as in case you didn’t know I’m a worrier by nature, (I worry about worrying!) but I fear that seeing the groom just minutes before the ceremony would turn me into even more of an emotional wreck than I’ll already be.
Also, I’ve found that the brides we feature on the blog often say their favourite part of the wedding day was meeting their partner at the altar – the expression on their face and perhaps any words they exchanged is what they remember most. I realise you can still get this with a first look, but I think the big reveal is one of the most memorable parts of the wedding for guests too, and something that they feel blessed to be a part of. For example last year when my cousin got married, she cried as she reached the front of the church and watching the groom wipe away her tears, put a tender arm over her shoulder and make her laugh and smile instantly showed us onlookers how perfect they were for each other – and that moment is now etched in my mind!
There’s no doubt that emotions will run high, but that’s all part and parcel of a wedding day and I don’t think the bride and groom need to keep such moments to themselves. So along with not walking under ladders, smashing any mirrors or putting up umbrellas indoors, I’ll be avoiding bad luck by saving the first look for the ceremony!
image by Sarah Brabbin
julia says: just the two of us
Prior to my own wedding day, I wouldn’t have been game for a sneaky peek, or “first look”. I was firmly of the opinion that the arrival of the bride should be met with awe and wonder at the end of an aisle… veil down, music high, anticipation huge.
That’s until I learned that my nervous new husband had spent the best part of the wedding morning literally almost throwing up with nerves. Worries about marrying me? Never! Slight hangover? Possibly. Crowd shy? Very.
When we got hitched waaaaaay back in 2010, the whole wedding scene was still pretty traditional compared to now. A first look wasn’t even mentioned, let alone properly discussed. If it had been, I probably would have discounted it (hey, it was “my moment”!) but in retrospect, it might have worked very nicely for us – him especially – whilst also allowing us a special photo opportunity and a lovely moment of togetherness and anticipation before the ceremony itself.
Some might think that its bad luck to meet before the service, but it’s hardly cheating if it’s on hallowed (or licensed!) ground, is it? For me, a first look only ups the excitement factor, is cute and romantic and is all about togetherness – a stolen moment for just the two of you to cherish.
And hey, if you still want to do the whole big entrance thing, your partner can always sneak in the side-door as The Bridal March starts up. In fact, no one need ever know it happened at all…
image by Laura Calderwood Photography
what you said on social:
Natalia says: “We are only having a very intimate wedding of 20 guests so I don’t see the need for a first look ahead of the ceremony as I will be comfortable with everyone that will be present.”
Jenny says: “I’m not good at being centre of attention so we’ve decided to have a first look to help ease my nerves. I know seeing my partner will calm me down and give me the confidence I need to make a good entrance.”
Clare says: “I’m totally superstitious so won’t be taking any chances! I’ll be spending the night before away from the groom and then won’t see him until I get to the altar. I think doing it any other way would lessen the magic and excitement that builds while you are apart!”
March 18th, 2016 | Rachel Parry
As brides and grooms continue to shake up their big day plans to reflect their individual tastes and personalities, we’re seeing plenty of new dishes appearing on the wedding menu.
During the traditional three-course wedding breakfast usually the only choice would be chicken or beef, but with dining styles becoming more relaxed and couples keen to eat the things that make them go “mmmm” on their special day, the options being brought to the table are certainly expanding.
So is the formal meal another classic wedding practise that’s in danger of extinction in place of more quirky options, or should the sophisticated sit-down meal still reign supreme in the land of ‘I dos’?
Here’s our thoughts…
Photography by Joielala Photography
rachel says: mix it up
When editing the real wedding features for the blog one area I’ve come to pay particular attention to is what couple chose to serve their guests during their big day. From the welcome drinks and canapés, to main meal and evening reception, I love to see if they’ve put their own twist on the menu or stuck with tradition. As a foodie I’m generally happy with either (as long as I’m fed a good meal to help absorb the prosecco), but I do think what’s served up can make a real difference to setting the wedding apart and adds personality to the proceedings.
Following the rise in outdoor weddings, we’ve certainly seen more inventive choices from brides and grooms: from afternoon teas and picnics served in wicker baskets, to open air barbecues and cool street food vendors, such as fish and chips, burger or taco specialists. These styles of dining can not only help reflect brides’ and grooms’ individual tastes, but it can also help to enhance their chosen theme, whether it be a country garden, summer fete or festival style celebration.
Furthermore, not everyone is comfortable with the thought of a sit down meal – not only for the fear of not knowing which knife and fork to use next, but also the awkwardness of being seated with strangers. While we’d all love our friends and family to mix well and get along, not everyone reacts well to forced situations. More informal styles of dining mean that guests can still mix, but in a freer fashion, choosing where to sit and whom to approach (or avoid).
For those however that are fixed on having a sit down meal, there is still the option to mix things up a little with sharing platter style foods or by having a dessert that’s served away from the table, such as ice cream from a traditional style van, so that guests aren’t confined to their seats for too long.
julia says: stick to the menu
Whilst I’m all for doing your big day your own way, there are some elements of a wedding day that I just wouldn’t mess with. The formal dining part in particular: why on earth would you axe the best bit?!
As someone who has attended lots of weddings of all shapes and sizes, the sit down meal is one of the parts of the day that I most look forward to. And whilst I love a surprising menu, I would advise you to keep the overall format on the traditional side.
If there’s one thing that you need to keep your guests happy during a long day – especially the oldest and the youngest ones – then that’s structure. Your guests are expecting to be seated and be fed well in the middle of the day. A wedding can be a long affair and once the ceremony, drinks reception and photo calls are done, most people will be looking forward to a roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings.
Others will have equally important concerns: the sit down dinner is the chance to rest their Jimmy Choo weary feet, spend some time relaxing with the fellow guests that they know best and hey, let’s be honest here, finally get stuck into that table wine!
The wedding breakfast rests, refuels and adds a sense of tradition to the day. It’s the perfect platform for toasts, speeches and (if that wine goes down well) dancing on the tables later. A sit down dinner needn’t be boring either: why not add an element of fun by including table games, ‘guess the length of the speech’ betting slips, a designated ‘carver’ (complete with fancy apron) on each table or large sharing platters?
Serve them what you like, but I’d argue that your wedding day is the time to serve it on fine china, not out of a paper cone!
Image found on Etsy
what you said on facebook
Laura: “We are sticking with tradition. While I quite like the idea of paella and crepes I’m not sure that my grandparents would appreciate it.”
Sarah: “We’ve decided on an afternoon tea style meal as it suits our tepee wedding and is logistically easy to organise with having an outdoor wedding. Our choice means that we’ve kept costs down a little too as we have a lot of mouths to feed!”
Kelly: “We’re having the best of both worlds – a sophisticated sit down meal for the wedding breakfast, featuring our favourite dessert (sticky toffee pudding) and then a street food vendor in the evening who will be serving our favourite takeaway – fish and chips!”
January 8th, 2016 | Julia Braime
An engagement for many brides to be is one of life’s highlights and certainly a moment to enjoy the spotlight, celebrating with friends and family, while of course sharing the bling across all social media platforms.
For some the celebrations to mark the exciting news are kept fairly low-key in the form of a family meal or girly brunch, while others choose go all out with a large-scale engagement party, providing somewhat of a pre-wedding warm up.
So for those newly engaged ladies that have just joined us on the blog *waves*, today we’re discussing if an engagement party is worth the added planning pressure, or whether it’s best to plough all the money and energy into the big day itself.
image source, photography by Gillian Stevens
rachel says: party on
Did someone say party? In my current mind set I’d be all for an engagement party – not only to inform as many people as possible that a ring had finally been put on it, but also to get all my family and best buds together in one place because let’s face it, it doesn’t happen often.
In a world that’s often not full of the best news, I love the thought of spreading a little joy with a little piece of good news. And often where there’s a party – there’s presents!
But seriously, I definitely think that for anyone planning a long engagement a party to mark the proposal is key to keep excitement levels high. My brother got engaged on the weekend of my mum’s 50th birthday and keen not to steal any thunder he kept it fairly under wraps saying that he would throw a party to announce the news properly. But one thing led to another and it never actually materialised, the news just sort of trickled out gradually and I for one felt it diluted the excitement of what is actually a pretty big deal.
So lesson learnt, enjoy the moment to the max while it lasts. Planning a party may take up a little of your time yes, but it will get you in practise for the main event to come and provide an early icebreaker between those that make your guest list.
julia says: save it for the wedding
Anyone who knows me will know that I love a party as much as the next person (sometimes, er, a little too much…) but when it comes to engagement parties, I might have to be the party pooper.
An engagement – particularly if it’s yours – is one of life’s most exciting times and should definitely be celebrated, but I just don’t think that you need a full on event to do that. Pop a cork with friends and family, yes. Maybe even steal away for a mini break to celebrate just the two of you, hell yes. But getting everyone involved? Save it for the wedding.
A friend of mine is totally against engagement parties, thinking them to be bad luck (in the celebrating your union before you actually make it down the aisle sense). I personally think that’s hugely dramatic, but I do think that axing the extra guest list will save you money and hassle plus save all your best party planning ideas for the big day itself.
Also, whilst your own wedding and the time spent leading up to it is #ohmygodthemostimportantthingintheworldlikeever (and hey, we run a wedding blog, who are we to judge?) you might find that friends and family grow a little wedding weary if subjected to too many ancillary events and present gathering occasions. The engagement party, the hen party, the stag party, the second hen party for those who couldn’t travel to the first one, the dress shopping, the menu tasting, the wedding show attending… oh, yeah and (yawn) the wedding itself.
My advice? Save the party for the main event. But when the main event arrives, really bring it. You’ll be glad you did.
what you said on facebook:
Rachel: “We are definitely having an engagement party. Any excuse to celebrate!”
Hayley: “I regret spending so much on our engagement party now that I’m cost cutting for the wedding.”
Kim: “We’re lucky, his parents are throwing a party on our behalf. Winner!”
November 26th, 2015 | Julia Braime
image via rusticfolkweddings.com
A honeymoon has predominately always been a holiday exclusive for the newlyweds following their big day, but in recent times we’re seeing the invite being extended to family members, and even friends, in some cases too.
Behold the rise of the familymoon and friendmoon. While the very thought of such might make some brides and grooms wince, others are fully embracing the the more the merrier approach, which gives them the opportunity to share their holiday of a lifetime with more than just a plus one.
So what’s it going to be – ticket for two or invite a few?
image via praisewedding.com, Photography by Ashley Kelemen
rachel says – all aboard
While I don’t see familymoons and friendmoons becoming as popular as minimoons (what will they invent next?), I do think these new honeymoon concepts could catch on. For there are some couples who can simply grow a little bored of just each other’s company after a few days, even if they are still basking in ‘just married’ love.
On mine and my boyfriend’s recent holiday to Crete for example, we both agreed after a few days that while it was nice to get away from everything (and everyone), it would also be cool to have a few travel companions in tow to share the fun with us.
So perhaps there’s nothing wrong with inviting a few close friends to carry on the wedding party with you abroad? Or, if you’re parents you may well want your children to be a part of the special holiday too. Furthermore you could invite your parents (aka babysitters) along, that way you can enjoy the best of both worlds – family time and alone time, with trusted child care on hand!
Another way of looking at it is that planning a wedding doesn’t come cheap, so combing a honeymoon with the usual friend or family getaway could make better financial sense to some couples too.
Not that they’re short of a bob or two, but the idea of a honeymoon entourage clearly appealed to Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux, following their secret LA wedding earlier this year, as they invited several of the A-lister pals to join them on their luxurious post-nuptial holiday in Bora Bora. Speaking to the press about their decision to do so, Justin said that they thought they could either do a ‘normal’ honeymoon just the two of them, or invite friends along to “keep the party going, relax and have fun”.
Well if it’s good enough for Jen!
image via missheatherette.tumblr.com
julia says – two’s company
Now I’m all about inclusivity and I love a group adventure, but to me, a honeymoon should be a party just for two.
Your honeymoon (especially if taken straight after the wedding – another thing I would definitely advocate) is much needed alone time for newlyweds: time to decompress, relax and get romantic! I think it’s vital that you do this as a twosome, rather than inviting along the world and his wife. You need some time in that lovely ‘just married’ bubble – to enjoy the moment and create some very special memories – just the two of you.
Even if you’ve already got children, I’d also recommend leaving the little ones at home in the care of a much loved grandparent or auntie. Yes, its lovely to spend time as a family, but this moment is all about you and your other half. It’s a time to cherish and enjoy, and after all, it will only be the two of you left in the end when the chicks have flown the nest.
If you can afford it, I’d recommend honeymooning for at least a week, and would suggest using the opportunity (and maybe a little bit of gift money) to do something really memorable. Lying on a beach is brilliant, don’t get me wrong, but step out of your comfort zone together and do something worth writing a postcard home about – try open water diving, a safari, sightseeing in your favourite city, or taking a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon.
Married life is a new beginning, take some time to celebrate it together, and as to where you decide to do that, well, the world is your oyster…
image via jenhuangblog.com
what you said on facebook
Kate says: “We’re definitely going away just the two of us – we can’t wait for some alone time after all the wedding planning”.
Emma says: “We are combining the best of both worlds, a week on our own and then a week with our two kids”.
Emilia says: “We’re taking my parents with us, so they can baby sit our 6 month old and also enjoy a relaxing break themselves.”
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