Guest Blog

Countdown to Christmas: Giveaway: Confessions of a Wedding Planner

15th December 2010 | Julia Braime

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Freelance writer and author Charlotte Ward, whose work has featured in Grazia, Daily Mirror, Mail On Sunday, Now, Glamour and Cosmopolitan amongst others has sent me an extract from Confessions Of A Wedding Planner by Tamryn Kirby.

 

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Confessions of a Wedding Planner

 

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Recognise yourself or anyone you know?

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WEDDING CAST LIST:

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The Bridal Party:

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Fried Bride – she’s so stressed, she can’t function.  To Fried Bride, a wedding isn’t a wedding unless you’re popping Prozac and crying on your counsellor’s shoulder.

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The Smother Mother – the mother who won’t back off and let her daughter just plan her own wedding and keep her nose (and her unwanted opinions) to herself.  She knows best, the planner knows nothing and her daughter can’t do without her.

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SnideMaid – the bridesmaid who spends her day looking down her nose at everyone and everything.  Clearly, she could do better (if she was nice enough to bag a man that is).

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Bleeping Beauty – she might look like a fairy tale princess with the beautiful dress, the perfect make-up, the gorgeous veil and tiara, but the language that comes out of her mouth when the guests’ backs are turned is definitely her something blue.

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The Guest List:

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Lads on tour – these rugby mad boys see it as just another hilarious opportunity to embarrass the groom. They have already had five pints before the service starts and their ushering is chaotic. They try to get groom to do drinking games, leap up and down on dance floor and wind up the bride about what happened on the stag do.

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Most likely to say: “He might be getting married but he’s still one of the boys”

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Bridesmaid on the hunt – she’s the one who’s already asked the bride for a detailed lowdown on who’s single. She changes placecards so she can sit next to eligible men during dinner and jumps the highest, elbowing other girls out the way to catch the bouquet. Makes a sudden disappearance when she gets lucky.

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Most likely to say: “He’s hot. Is he single?”

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Miss Envy – she sulks throughout the entire day because her boyfriend hasn’t proposed yet. During the groom’s tribute to his beautiful wife she sits with her arms folded giving her boyfriend daggers. They are heard arguing outside the marquee later about his ‘lack of commitment’.

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Most likely to say: “Apparently I’m not good enough to marry. One in three marriages end in divorce!”

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Kids Behaving Badly – within five minutes pretty dresses and crisp white shirts are coated in mud. They run amok knocking things flying or crawling along the floor to put their head up the Bride’s skirt. They scream whenever the photographer comes near them.

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Most likely to say: “Mum I’m soooo bored. Take me home before I have a MASSIVE tantrum!”

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Golden Oldies – fabulous grandparents who are game for a laugh and loving the opportunity to let their hair down. They’re squiffy after half a glass of champagne and can be seen trying to jitterbug on the dancefloor later. 

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Most likely to say: “I’ve not had this much fun in ages.”

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The Greatest Dancer – every wedding unveils a potential Michael Flatley who takes centre stage on the dancefloor – being egged on by people who really should know better. It’s like their body is trying to go in eight different directions at the same time.

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Most likely to say: “I’m auditioning for the next “So You Think You Can Dance!”

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SOME FAMILIAR SCENES:

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Ring Blindness  – the engagement ring is on and oh no, ring blindness has set in. Characterised by the bride to be’s inability to see anything other than her wedding plans, ring blindness can often become progressively worse in the build up to the wedding. Friends, family, everything is blotted out by the dazzle of the ring and the lure of impending wedded bliss.

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Wed-a-geddon – vomiting brides, nervous grooms, bitching bridesmaids, cocky best men, hopeless ushers, angry families, drunken guests, badly behaved kids and Great Aunt Ethel on the dancefloor – it’s like Armageddon only with Wed-a-geddon, you know exactly when and where it’s all going to kick off.

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Confessions of a Wedding PlannerConfessions of a Wedding PlannerConfessions of a Wedding Planner

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Confessions Of A Wedding Planner by Tamryn Kirby (Headline £7.99) is currently available to buy on Amazon – click here to buy yourself a copy! – it might be best to be forewarned!

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In the spirit of Christmas, Charlotte has kindly agreed to giveaway two copies of Confessions of a Wedding Planner to two lucky Brides Up North readers! 

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 All you need to do to be in with a chance of winning is:

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1.  Subscribe to the Brides Up North monthly newsletter* using the Sign Up box at top right; and

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2.  Leave me a comment using the big pink button below!

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C’est ca!

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*all you will get is a monthly newsletter by email, no other nasties.  And I NEVER share your email address with anyone!

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comments

  • December 15, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    I’m subscribed!

  • Jessica
    December 16, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    Yes please! I would love to win one. I’m all subscribed!

  • Clare
    December 16, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    Please add me to the contest – this is a book I think I should read. Clare x

  • India Hall
    December 16, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    I would love to win this prize, great reading material.

    Lots of love,

    India xxx

  • Jenna
    December 16, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    Love this! Hilarious!!!!!! xxx

  • Aggie Andrews
    December 16, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    I think the fried bride might be me…

  • Kate
    December 17, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    I am a wedding planner, so would love to hear someone else’s insights!

    Kate

  • Junebug
    December 17, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    This looks like a great read – June x

  • Peneleope Lee
    December 17, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    This looks like fun, I would love to win! Thanks, Penny xxx

  • Amanda
    December 17, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    Me please!!!!

    Amanda xx

  • Charlotte
    December 17, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    This looks great, I would love to win a copy.

  • Jane
    December 21, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    I would like to win one of these! Planning my wedding for 2011

  • Rachel
    December 21, 2010 | Permalink | Reply

    Yes please! Looks fun

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