It’s long been a tradition for brides and grooms to spend the night prior the wedding apart, later being reunited at the altar to say their ‘I dos’.
But like many other wedding traditions, this has come to be questioned. Is it really necessary to organise separate
sleeping arrangements
the night before the wedding, particularly if you and your partner already live together?While some couples find it a comfort to spend the night before the big day with their best friends and family as apposed to their partner, others feel it’s an inconvenience and would much rather stick to their usual bedtime routine.
So let’s discuss – to spend the night before the wedding apart or together?
rachel says: there’s no place like home
My boyfriend recently went away for two nights while he completed a coast to coast cycle and I was so looking forward to a king size bed all to myself. Only problem being – I couldn’t sleep! I know, I’m ashamed of myself for being so soft, but the bed just didn’t feel the same without him as I tossed and turned unable to fully relax.
While I’ve never given it much thought previously, this did make me think how I’d fare the night before I marry. On top of the stress and nerves I don’t think I could take anymore obstacles cropping up between me and that much needed sleep.
So to avoid being a bride with bigger bags than my bouquet under my eyes I thought, sod it! When the day does (eventually) come I might just be one of those brides that challenges tradition (not that I know how the other half would feel about this).
Ladies that I’ve known take such steps have said the comfort of being in their own bed, in their own home with their partner before the wedding helped them to relax, and that it was so exciting to wake up and share that ‘I’m getting married to today’ moment together. Those too that have stayed away in hotels the night before the wedding have also said it was a comfort to share the bed with their hubby-to-be.
Not breaking with tradition altogether, I’d still separate on the morning of the wedding to get ready, as I think it’s essential to do the big reveal when walking up the aisle.
Overall the tradition to me is simply a little outdated. It came at a time when couples didn’t cohabit before marriage and therefore made perfect sense, but in today’s world it could cost a bride her much-needed beauty sleep before one of the biggest days of her life. It may be considered bad luck, but I think I’d be willing to take the risk.
julia says: go your own way
Ok, so most of us will be wearing a white dress in accordance with tradition, rather than to signify our in-tact virginity, but I still think there’s something to be said for spending the night before the wedding in separate beds.
First up, there’s the superstitious side of me which wouldn’t quite be able to ignore the little voice niggling that “It’s bad luck to see the groom before the wedding!”. It’s silly, but in the same way as I wouldn’t be intentionally smashing any mirrors or walking under ladders just before making the most important commitment of my life, I think there’s something to be said for making sure that luck is on your side.
In addition, when your wedding day comes, it’s such a momentous occasion that it’s actually lovely to respect all these seemingly weird traditions like sleeping apart the night before, something blue and that silver sixpence. It’s all really rather fun and marks the occasion out as being a special day like no other.
I stayed over at my Mum and Dad’s the night before my wedding, and it just added to the excitement to kiss my hubby to be goodnight and go our separate ways after our last dinner before tying the knot. I loved spending a few precious hours with my parents, just the two of us, before finally heading up to bed (super early!) to sleep for “the last time” in my old bedroom (ignore the fact that I had moved out years ago if you please).
In the morning, it was all about a home cooked breakfast and girly pampering – which just wouldn’t have worked so well if my other half was hogging the bathroom or taking all the toast. It was also exciting to wonder what he was doing, if he’d managed to dodge a hangover from his “last night with the boys” and if he’d be at the church on time.
For me, spending that one evening apart was more than about a good night’s sleep, it heightened anticipation, ticked the tradition box and just felt right. After all, there was a lifetime ahead of bedtime cuddles, duvet battles and snore offs!
what you said on facebook:
Emily says: “We’re having a destination wedding, but are still choosing to stay in separate hotels the night before our wedding day”.
Kirsty says: “I don’t see what the big deal is. I think that tradition is outdated.”
Reena says: “I’ll be staying at my sister’s house and my other half with his parents.”
Helen says: “We haven’t decided yet. My boyfriend would like us to stay together but I like the idea of spending my last night at Mum’s house”.
